I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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