OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
wakey wakey hands off snakey
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
