I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
