So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
