he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We need to feng shui this bitch.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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