Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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