at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
sarcasm needs its own font
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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