He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
