haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
