I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
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