where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
