Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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