carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
