I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
