There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
