After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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