what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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