i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
