I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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