finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
