Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
