Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
