$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
