Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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