arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
