I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
