we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
