Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
