why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
