I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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