I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
