Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
