My friends, they love my intelligence
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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