Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize