Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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