I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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