I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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