hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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