I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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