you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
