I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just want nice things and good sex
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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