He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
