Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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