i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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