I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
