Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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