I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
