your parents love me but you hate me
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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