Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you will always have a special place in my vag
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
