I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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