So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
