my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
