My cat gives me a boner
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
