my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
