Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
