Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Sober January is a disaster.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
